The Erotic Mother: Breaking the Madonna/Whore Spell

Good mother. Bad girl. I refuse to choose.

I get asked a lot: When did your erotic energy return after becoming a mother? And the truth is… she never left. She’s always lived inside me, quietly inspiring me, giving me hope - even during the many months when I didn’t desire physical sex at all.

Even in the thick of mothering - breasts full of milk, shitty nappies, broken sleep - I’ve always known the Erotic Mother was just beneath the surface, pulsing quietly beneath the chaos.

She shows up right after birth for me. Especially after the empowering, orgasmic birth of my son - it’s like she ignites. Lit up. Turned on by birthing LIFE itself. I feel her as a current rushing through my body: fierce, soft, wild, alive.

And then, around six weeks postpartum… she retreats.
Not gone, just resting.
It feels like she slips into a cave deep, deep inside my body while I tend to my babies. She watches. She waits. She rests.

She feels like hot coals smouldering in my womb and sex centre. Embers burning, reminding me what’s waiting for me when I’m ready to reclaim her energy.

And then, around two years postpartum, something shifts and awakens. The fire returns. That slow, steady ignition of libido, desire, and aliveness. The Erotic Mother within me rises.

This is what I’ve been feeling lately - this fire driving my creative surges and my devotion to pleasure every day, even while parenting full-time.

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Let’s talk about the Madonna/Whore Complex: The Split I’m Breaking (and so can you)

Here’s the thing - our culture has long trapped women in a painful binary called the Madonna/Whore complex. It’s a psychological split that tells us we must be either the pure, selfless mother (the “Madonna”) or the wild, sexual woman (the “Whore”). Relate?

It says we can’t be both nurturing and desirable, devoted and deeply turned on. This split breeds shame, silence, and confusion - especially for mothers who feel pressured to abandon their sexuality to be “good” parents.

This article is about breaking that spell. It’s about reclaiming the truth that the Erotic Mother lives beyond this old story - she is whole - both sacred and wild, soft and fierce. Caring and slutty. Devoted and free.

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Keep reading for the full piece…

I’ll take you deeper into what it really means to live as the Erotic Mother - how I’ve tended to my sex, my creativity, and my truth through the messiness of motherhood. I’ll share what keeps my erotic fire alive, and why dismantling the Madonna/Whore complex might just be one of the most powerful things we can do as women. Plus I share a Spotify playlist I made, to activate YOUR Erotic Mother.

No more picking sides. This is your invitation to be it all - devoted, turned on, alive.

👉 To read the full piece, become a paid subscriber and step into this conversation with me.

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